Monday, January 19, 2004
The new Bio (because I'm bored...it's like 4 AM)
Name: Big Stupid Thomas
Nickname: Big Stupid Tommy
Astrological sign: Pisces
Age: 26
Height: 6'4"
Weight: Whole fucking bunch (though the sum total is decreasing).
Occupation: Social Critic
Birthplace: Athens, TN
Marital status: Single
How many children: None. That I know of.
Do you drink (alcohol): It's been known to happen.
Do you smoke: No.
Favorite outdoor activities: Camping. Hiking. Peeing (Sloth...that's a great answer) Getting away from people....
Favorite indoor activities: Watching movies. Plotting.
Favorite colors: Green, and a healthy shade of brown.
Favorite type of music: The only way I can think to describe it is honest music. That's not the best thing to call it. But it's music that's music for music's sake. It's not written to sell a million copies.
Favorite musical groups/performers: Johnny Cash. The early R.E.M. AC/DC. Tom Petty. The Mavericks. Some Trisha Yearwood. Allison Krause. Henry Philips. Robert Earl Keen's getting up there pretty high. The Chieftains.
Favorite song at the moment: "Shoulders of Freaks" by Henry Philips. It makes me laugh.
What's in your home CD/Casette player right now: I'd have to go look. God help me, it's probably the Wrestlemania WWF novelty album from 1993....
What's in you car CD/Casette player right now: The first Travelling Wilburys album.
Do you play an instrument: I can still play the piano a bit. I'm getting not so bad on the harmonica...though I can't bring myself to play in public yet.
What kind of guitar do you play: Are you deaf? Piano....
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: Not intentionally.
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: As a very small child, I wanted drive for Roadway. Then, there were the misguided years where I wanted to be President of the U.S. Then, a writer.
What would be your dream job now: Novelist...or Commissioner of Baseball
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Convicted? No. Not Convicted....
Places you'd most like to visit: Alaska, Australia....Fenway Park
Your first car: 1987 Ford Bronco (Tan, that got like 9 miles to the gallon)
Dream car: B.A.'s van from the A-Team.
Car you Drive now: 1993 Chevy Silverado....black
Favorite season: Autumn
Favorite holiday: Christmas
Favorite hobbies: writing, reading, imagining grand scenarios where I fall short of my goals....
Favorite sport to play: I like playing football. Because you get to plow into people.
Favorite sport to watch: In person? Baseball. On TV? Football.
Least favorite sport to watch: Here lately it's been the NBA
Most humiliating moment: Asking a crush in high school out and having her laugh because she thought I was joking with her.
Do you have any siblings: One younger sister, Big Stupider April
Do you get along with your parents: Yeah, fairly well. They're really cool, and I wish I could give back part of what they've given to me.
Favorite place to chill: The fridge.
Favorite place to visit: Chicago
What is your bad time of day: I don't do so well with daytime, lately.
What is your good time of day: 1:17 AM to 1:55 AM.
Favorite flower/plant: I like ivy. Not just because of Wrigley, but because Mom has it growing several places around their house, and it just reminds me of home.
Favorite subject in school: English or History
Least favorite subject in school: Science (which is unfortunate, because I've actually come to enjoy reading up on it now)
Favorite authors: Mark Twain, Ferrol Sams, Harlan Ellison, Flannery O'Connor, Stephen King, Joe R. Lansdale, William Faulkner, Peter Golenbock....
Favorite book genre: Berenstein Bears books.
Favorite book: Huck Finn, by Mark Twain. Also: Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole, and I've always liked Harlan's book "Stalking the Nightmare," though more for sentimental reasons than anything....
Current book I'm reading: I started my Dad's copy of the Da Vinci Code yesterday, though I probably won't borrow it, because it's next on his list.
Favorite magazine: It used to be Oxford American. I still kind of like The Sporting News.
Favorite movie of all time: Star Wars, pre special edition (Not going to resort to George's Episode IV stuff he absolutely wants to use because he's created and started to believe this whole mythology)
Other favorite movies: Young Frankenstein. Pulp Fiction. the Shawshank Redemption. Blazing Saddles. Monty Python movies. Superman 2 (Kneel Before Zod!)
Favorite actors/actresses: Samuel L. Jackson. Renee Zellweger. Morgan Freeman. John Goodman. Laura Linney. Jimmy Stewart. Bill Murray
Favorite cartoon character: Donald Duck, y'all. He's psycho. Homer Simpson.
Favorite food: Barbecued Chicken
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Favorite alcoholic Drink: Labatt's Blue.
What is your bedtime: 10 AM. On thirds right now.
Worst enemies: I'm probably my own worst enemy. Me...or God.
Interesting fact about your childhood: I got the nickname "Awful K'nawful" when I ran a 4-wheeler into the back of my parents' pickup truck.
The first thing you think of in the morning: Is it AM or PM?
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: Read. The Internet. Watch TV.
Things that make you feel good: Little things.
Things you don't like: Unsolicited Advice. Somebody doing something "for my own good." Being condescended to. Bud Selig. the Designated Hitter. Doing Dishes. Pop Up Ads. People who take their little pointless job too seriously (guilty).
Worst feeling in the world: Know that you're powerless to stop something, and all you can do is watch.
Scariest feeling in the world: Being in love. Second place is being stalked by python while going to the toilet.
Best feeling in the world: Being loved back.
Do you get motion sickness: Nope. Except once, at the 1982 World's Fair, I started getting sick on the big swinging boat ride. But I was 5, and it hasn't happened since.
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Pretty Exciting.
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Very Cool
Pen or Pencil: Pen (Pilot)
Do you like to drive: Yeah. But only because not driving can be even more maddening.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: No.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: Yep. the Incredible Hulk.
What is on the walls of your room: Movie posters, and a picture of the Simpsons signed by Matt Groening.
What words or phrases do you overuse: There's a mess of them.
Coolest things anyone ever gave you: A couple of compliments stick out in my mind....
How would you characterize your political leanings: Libertarian, in that I feel like the government shouldn't bother me if I'm not bothering anybody....though I understand that not everybody knows how to behave, and that the government needs to make a bigger investment in education than they are.....
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: I'd like to be like that kid in the Twilight Zone, who could alter reality with his mind.
Or, I'd like to be able to change size. But only so that I could change height in subtle ways, a couple inches in either direction just to mess with people.
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems:
"The Man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't"--Mark Twain
"Henry Rollins is my favorite Rollins in the public sector"--the Filthy Hippy
Tommy 2:17 AM
Saturday, January 25, 2003
As of Super Bowl Sunday, 2003, Big Stupid Tommy has eaten, to date, some 841 pounds of pizza in his life.
Tommy 8:30 PM
Saturday, January 04, 2003
The Old Biography
His name is Big Stupid Tommy
He is 26 (in people years)
He lives in an apartment. With brown carpet.
Height: 9'1"
Weight: Roughly 7 ounces
He wears eyeglasses. Or so he says.
His favorite episode of "Diff'rent Strokes" is the one where Arnold has to steal something for the Gooch.
His natural scent is really not that pleasant. He can't help it. Really.
The last time he threw up was January 8, 2001.
He has foreseen the fact that he will come in second in a three way race for the Presidency in 2020, but as an outsider third party candidate, will have no support in the Congressional Runoff.
In his spare time, he reads the ingredients of the foods in his cabinets.
He's a two-bowel-movement-a-day man.
Cool: the Chicago Cubs, Batman, Clipping his own fingernails and Donald Duck (the cartoon character and the Orange Juice brand).
Uncool: Athelete's Foot, people whose car alarms go off in the middle of the night, people who curse casually, dammit, and the fact that the government gets nearly half of a large lottery jackpot. If the guvmint wants money that bad, they should buy the lottery ticket.
He currently has subscriptions to Sports Weekly, ESPN the magazine, Oxford American, Discover, Premiere, Rolling Stone and Highlights for Kids.
Screw you, Al Gore.
He is quite frightened of Oprah Winfrey.
He can't read.
He is quick to anger and prone to violence.
He turned in the same paper on Ralph Ellison's "the Invisible Man" to two different professors, getting a B+ and an A.
He really, really wishes Anna Nicole Smith would figure out that the joke is on her. You know. To preserve her dignity.
He won the WWF Intercontinental Title in 1987, but had to give it up three months later, because he "lost his smile."
Just one of his legs could feed a village for three weeks.
In his opinion, the five greatest albums of all time: U2's Joshua Tree, R.E.M.'s Dead Letter Office, Johnny Cash's Live at Folsom Prison, the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and Tammy Wynette sings Cereal Commercial Jingles, volume 2.
He once punched a goat in the face for getting too close to his nads.
Tommy 9:41 PM
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